Sunday, March 8, 2015

Meditation On Cookies

One time at one of the first yoga sessions I ever went to the teacher said we should always come to class with a goal- with something to meditate about. because coming isn't enough anymore. This is no zumba class where you just get to shake your booty you have to control your mind as well as your aching hamstrings. 
So every time for the next year when I went to yoga with that teacher I had a goal. Be good at yoga. Do all the poses. More than that- BE GOOD AT YOGA. That was my goal. Show up and do the poses. Meditation is the same way. My goal- Clear my mind. thoughts- be good at clearing my mind.  so. much. pressure.   We don't all need to be told that in addition to not being able to roll up like a pretzel then to the splits at the same time we need to be thinking about solving world hunger. So sometimes how my goal is thinking how I would change it. Which is why every Sunday we do Above and Beyond Yoga. And about the meditation-  Maybe I should lead everyone in ruminating. WHY CAN'T WE PRACTICE THAT I ROCK AT THAT. Quick everyone take a break from down dog and write down three things someone else got away with that they shouldn't have.  I will take a break for the people I think are being ridiculous at the gym. NO I'M NOT WATCHING YOU I PROMISE. Except you girl with the adorable leggings with lace at the bottom from the website work and sweat. And you boob job number 12 I've seen today at the gym since arriving 5 minutes ago. and you girl who humps the weights machine. What is that about? What are you even working out? At least she had cute lululemon pants on.

really no one likes down dog anyway we can take a few breaks. Except for ridiculously hot yoga man I think he should be making the poses even more advanced but I'm totally adding him to my list of things I'm upset about. STOP DOING ONE ARMED HANDSTANDS WITH THE REST OF US MORTALS- GO TO GOD YOGA AND STOP RUINING MY MEDITATION ABOUT YOGA BUDDY. 

no don't go you're beautiful.

I even like hot yoga so you can imagine I detest myself and I love exercise clothing and deep conditioner and wear flip flops in winter and need a pedicure.
In other news-
I've been swimming a lot. it makes me tired. like all day tired and I have blisters on my feet from training with flippers and I wear a super unflattering bathing suit with one of those ultra ugly swim caps on the daily. And I like it. I usually swim next to some ridiculously fit guy with a collection of ironman caps and no splash. WHY ARE YOU FASTER THAN I AM WHEN I WEAR FLIPPERS AND USE THOSE HAND PADDLES. STOP NOW! I can't keep them all strait because they are all swimming all the time. Maybe there's actually only three of them. Hey guys- some of us need swimming lessons and in September we couldn't even put our heads under the water and some of us have way way way more body fat than you do. Luckily now I have a heart rate monitor that tells me even if I'm bloody tired all day long after i swim it was only a mild workout. That's almost as rude as the teachers who act like you shouldn't be choking when you are trying to do yoga breathing. WHO CAN MAKE THOSE STRANGE NOISES?!

Anyway today I made cookies and questioned all my life decisions. I still have to make soft butterscotch oatmeal cookies for my friend Annie who is visiting but the oreo stuffed cookies had to happen today because why not. Remember how I will send you cookies now if you click here and buy them? well I will and it will be glorious. You can also make them they are a lot like the kit cat cookies. See what I did there? that's my pinterest. 
Anyway back to swimming and how it relates to cookie Sunday and yoga. I went swimming today. I did 10 sets of 200s. or something I forget. I thought about sitting in the hot tub but then I realized I had to go home to make cookies in time for church. ThEN CAME RUMINATING! BEST EVER!!!    I looked back and had that moment where you finally see what everyone else was telling you and think about what a bad place you were in about someone toxic.  Next week is the 3 year anniversary of my married life falling apart and my husband telling me he cheated on me and realizing it was a pattern from his phone. He was so angry at me. Now he might go to jail for non-payment since he avoided it in PA by moving.  3 years I've been doing this parenting thing pretty much alone and I've worked my way to have a job that pays for all my kids and I think I've finally found what I want to do with my life. Then finally at the end of the ruminating I realized I sort of had peace- I'm just way happier and I don't even recognize who I was before everything fell apart. I had no idea how strong I was or what I would go through.
3 years and tons of help. And tons of cookies. I made cookies to have a pattern- whenever life is falling apart I find myself setting a new goal and falling back on the patterns I've set. Go swimming every day- make cookies- go to work- go running. At first I was going through the motions of the life I wanted and it has become the life I want. Maybe that's what the yoga poses are supposed to be when I'm focused on straightening my back leg. 
Work is awesome I just got a job that I'm going to love. I'm close to my goal weight. I don't think I will drown during my first half ironman in June.We become the patterns we make for ourselves- so look at who you want to be and start moving.
Make sure you are using your yoga breathing during this time. and think about your goal. 

Mine? be good at yoga.

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