Mormon Gays and Baptism for Children

The LDS Church announced that children of parents in a same sex marriage wouldn’t be allowed to be baptized this week. It’s mandatory that you take disciplinary action. That seems intense. Did you know clergy doesn’t have to report child abuse? I also learned that this week and it makes me crazy upset. Counselors have to report if you are an active danger. Maybe. Religion is such a sticky area. I saw one post the first day and I didn’t really read the article because I didn’t want to look at it.

Then my Facebook exploded. You will be happy to know that there are gay people on both sides and Mormons and Ex Mormons that care and ones that don’t care. The whole thing makes me feel like a coward. Because if you question anything you aren’t following a prophet and if you sit still you are saying you agree with it. So maybe I should follow my sister and avoid Facebook for a few weeks.

Pretty much no matter what you are an asshole. I haven’t left the church and I openly have some concerns and I don’t agree with this so I’m pretty much in that in between place where no matter what, I’m an asshole. I secretly think most people are in between. Even if you say you are sure of yourself you might just need to feel in control. I think most of us rely on our cognitive inertia to get through life. I heard the news and you know what I did? Nothing I have a head cold. I put the issue aside because there’s not really anything to say. Except wow- I do NOT like conflict. It’s hard for me to to see all the pain here. It’s hard to be in Utah with all the people and the high emotional level I wish it was easier for me to be on one side or the other. It’s like when we ignore things in our lives we can’t solve to be able to function. I get angry at people that have behaviors that hurt me that they choose not to resolve but I’m sure I have my own.

I’ve been working on not getting stuck by things I can’t resolve. LET ME TELL YOU THAT IS NOT MY FAVORITE.

So I’m sorry to all my friends who have posted that ones article that I can’t post the articles that this is love. I’m sorry my gay friends that I didn’t post a helpful link to a phone number. I’m sorry my ex Mormon friends that I’m still here. And I’m sorry my non Mormon friends that I’m posting about it at all.

I don’t really think there is any excuse for personal apologetics. I also don’t think there is any true neutrality. The church isn’t fair. I’ve known men that raped someone and had no repercussions. I think that’s why so many people don’t report. Inaction seems to be my mode of coping.  I think that’s why a lot of us just sit here confused about what is going on.  I just unsubscribe from friends that share things I can’t handle and go on with my kids to the gym for my morning workout. I was like -wow my daughter just got baptized. 

There is no peace here. 

I wish I knew what to say. Or do. Until then please don't forget those of us who feel stuck somewhere floating in the middle.

I will give away all my sins to know thee

So I used to write a post every Sunday about church and stuff.  You should look at them they are great. Then I sort of started writing about Cookies. Because I'm not ultra creative at thinking of new ideas for active religion for children ages 8 and under I'll just stick with baking cookies every week. It was a rare case of me starting something that wasn't part of my extensive New Years Resolution plan.

Which I decided to revisit this Sunday by looking around my house and noticing that I had not gotten rid of things I wasn't using like I meant to. So I started that process. My friend said just to get rid of anything that I hadn't used in a year. Well THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE WHO CAN DO THAT? certainly no one who has ever quilted in their lives. Or anyone that has a deep and abiding love of power tools and paper products.

Today I was out hiking again because I was having a hard day. I think when things get hard I go to the mountains and keep going until everything sort of washes out of me. I think about religion when I'm in the mountains.  I have conversations I'm never going to have in person. Today I thought about talking to John and our last phone conversation.  He kept saying he was sorry and I asked him to stop. Then he got mad because his speech was slurred and I didn't know if it was one of the times he acted to to freak me out or if it was from him having a stroke. John and I used to hike a lot. I told the kids that- we went on most of the paths in Utah Valley and talked about everything.

Then I thought about my bishop saying he didn't understand why this hit me so hard.  I wonder the same thing. I wonder why a month after John died when everyone was over it I sort of felt it roll over me again when Mark told someone that he was glad his dad had a grave and he could go see it. My friend whose brother committed suicide messaged me that day and said she expected me to be struggling. This has been the most confusing year of my life and also the most clear.  I feel sort of bad for people who met me after October.  In like a year they will be like- man you are nothing like when I met you and I'll be like- I know. I can swim now. In the mountains I thought about how beautiful it was to see the ones who continue on broken. I used to really respect people who said they were unbreakable.

I'm not one of those people. 

My bishop asked me about Alma 22 and if I remembered it. Which was interesting because of course I know it. I was always fascinated by the thoughts there. In it a king hears about Christ and the promise of salvation. He prays and says "I will give away all my sins to know thee."

If you've read some of my earlier posts that I deleted a while ago since they talked about John who passed away you would know that some things about church are confusing for me. At first I wasn't going to talk about them because it's really hard for people you love to see you change and then not be in a certain direction. Or to right a really emotional blog entry then people are all up in arms worrying about you but as soon as you wrote it all the worry sort of floated away.

 Friends need to know where you stand. Then someone messages me that they are also in a different place. That they don't know where things are. We are safe together and it's OK not to know everything. I don't know if we can let go of all of our doubts like this guy who would give away everything to know God. It's even harder than getting rid of the stuff I don't use.

 I'm fascinated by the idea of people who would give away anything for God. I wonder what that God looks like. Maybe it's the God of the people who come together and help each other and remember the people who didn't make it. Maybe it's that God that gets things together for the homeless. I think it's that God that tells us making the world more beautiful for someone else is the best thing. That God made the mountains. 

A lot of religious blogs have such a definite feel- hi I decided with finality that I'm not Mormon- or Hi I've decided no matter what Jesus forever.  Like my old mission president who said he was at peace that John wouldn't be sick anymore and he was in a better place.  I'm kind of more like- Hi... still in a strange place. Not really inspiring anyone over here or getting rid of all the crap in my garage. Maybe if I did it as a Sunday thoughts blog post we would all come together and have one giant religious yard sale.
This will be the best Sunday Thoughts post ever.
Dear God-
I would give away all the crap in my garage just to know you. Except the fabric I really like. You can't have that it's mine. Except on the days when the kids knock it over and I ask myself why I even bother.

Who we are is a fluid and breaking thing.  I felt better after I went to the same place I went when I found out John was dead. The water is lower now but everything is greener.

Cookie Sunday

Every Sunday Something Magical Happens in my House.

We make cookies.

A Short History of cookie Sunday.

To understand cookie Sunday I should probably explain a few things about myself.

1. I am a single mom

2. I am Mormon

3. I used to blog about Sunday Thoughts.

4. I like eating.

When I grew up I think my mom made bread on Sunday. She also helped us make our school lunches.

which normally contained ginormous cookies I could easily trade for a Nutty Bar at my leisure. 

Also we didn't really get to watch awesome shows on Sunday. And we didn't really go to friends houses. And we didn't play outside.

I always felt like Sunday was a huge "dont." Don't go crazy and Don't go shopping and Don't watch TV.

Then I had children. These children asked me what we should do on Sunday. This Sunday dilemma is one of the first realizations of how arbitrary parenting was. I don't actually care if you watch TV all day on Sunday. Sitting in church discussing what to do and not to do and when you would consider your Ox in the mire and hearing stories of cars miraculously producing gas to the family wouldn't have to spend money on Sunday got mixed in with really really wanting to order pizza on Sunday. Like more than I would normally even consider eating pizza.

Then I became a single mom and my world sort of fell apart. 

One of the things I realized was most helpful for me was to have a schedule. To know what I was doing so I didn't just sit on the couch and cry all day. I realized I wanted to be actively in control of my life. I didn't want to blame other people for the bad things that had happened to me or for my circumstances. I didn't want my life to be a great big list of "Don'ts." To me Sunday just seem like a bunch of questions I couldn't answer.

I thought I should take a different approach. I would try to build traditions of things that we "did" on Sunday. To distract my children from my existential breakdown about their television habits and keep me from throwing away all their electronic devices. If Sunday was to visit the sick and afflicted and help the needy and build family time I would do that.

So we make cookies. Every Sunday. for over a year now. We bring our cookies to our neighbors. Or a friend that needs cookies. Or people visit us and we eat cookies. Or we take them with us when we hike the Y. (that's another good Sunday activity- haul my children up the mountain.) I bring cookies to work on Monday.

To prepare for the kids helping I split the ingredients into bowls. One bowl for each egg and vanilla, one bowl for the sugar, three bowls for the dry ingredients (I split them into three separate additions because that's what my mom taught me) one bowl for the chocolate chips.

One child dumps in a bowl and the other one starts the mixer. Then they help eat the dough while we are baking the other cookies. Then they run a plate over to the neighbors. Then they eat cookies.

I'm trying to make a point of being more proactive about the type of person I want to be. If I want to be religious I need to have something to show for it. I happen to have lots of cookies to show for it. they are something I make on Sunday. Something I am DOING rather than just a list of rules.

Cookie Sunday is the most fantastic religious decision I've ever made.


Recipe for the pictures:
Preheat oven to 350
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 stick margarine (I used Imperial for this recipe)
1 stick salted butter
cream 2 minutes

2 extra large eggs
2 tsp vanilla
add eggs 1 at a time

3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup cocoa powder (I used Giradelli this time- brand has a HUGE impact on the taste)
stir together- add to other ingredients in at least three different parts.

1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
1 cup milk chocolate chips
1 cup white chocolate chips

I am always experimenting with how many chocolate chips to add.
Line cookie sheets with aluminum foil.
scoop out cookies with an ice cream scoop.
refrigerate at least 5 minutes before putting them in the oven.bake around 12 minutes. 
Check your cookies. then if you are me add 2 more minutes.

The total cook time depends on the size of your cookies.
every week I try to make the cookies just a tiny bit different so I will post what I think. This recipe is pretty classic and easy.
I hope you can make it for Cookie Sunday this week!
xoxo

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