Dear new person at the gym childcare today,
I feel like I should explain.
Hi I'm Janae. I noticed today you were talking to my daughter during my yoga class. Well more like consoling her while she cried uncontrollably. I saw your slightly helpless expression as she told me she just misses him so much. I told her to go to the red zone and give back her sticker. I told her we weren't getting a smoothie at orange peel.
I should explain.
I go to yoga because I read this blog about how to deal with grief and it said crying in yoga is good. Today in yoga actually I was really hot and kind of tired. My right leg felt super tight and I'm stressed about money stuff. Like really stressed. It's time to reassess my life. I really loved my shirt and I was so hot I did yoga in my sports bra and pants and I feel really body positive about it.
Every time I get all introspective and tired like that I should know my kids are exploding somehow. But you are new. I feel like I should explain. Her dad died a little over a year ago. We have goals of what to do when she cries and it used to last over three hours a day. But you are new. Once we disastrously met someone swimming that happened to be a dad less than a month after her dad died. She couldn't play with those girls she had to cry the whole time. Because she didn't have a dad. She just needed someone to come and say- I know you have this whole where your dad was.
You're new. You need to know. The boys will explain their dad over chips and then say he is watching over them. Danielle asked if she would ever see him again and I said not here on this earth on the way to the car. She asked again about orange peel she didn't get the memo that I'm trying to not spend money I don't have. I didn't explain to her. I just said lets go home and I'll make dinner. I missed my swim. Because she was crying. Because there was someone new that needed to know.
I should explain that a little while ago she was in counseling our church paid for. 90 dollars twice a week. Then they couldn't and I think there is a group in salt lake we could join but she wants her old counselor and I can barely get to really hot yoga but I'm getting more organized. I feel like when I'm stressed sometimes she feels it and that can trigger her feelings. Some people are really sensitive to that right? Every new person needs to be told the story.
I met some people the other day but didn't have the energy so I just went with divorced. I'm really getting better at side stepping personal questions. It's just easier than what you experienced.
I know it's hard for new people. And yes it's still hard and no we didn't get life insurance and no they don't see family a lot. Some. No not every week. But some. People don't know what to say or do. They really don't so they just sort of want it to go away. No I'm not handling it as well as I want to and I haven't been as good a friend as I should. Yes I've gotten help but. I don't know how to explain. Thank you for hugging my daughter while she cried about her dad. She needed you to know. So next time she can be silly and know that you know.
Janae
Today was a hard day.
I should also explain I opened this gofundme thing up. I sort of wanted to do a memorial right when John died and I wanted everyone to share it and then everyone has the best college plan and I get donations and because college and medical and sometimes I have this dream where it gets crazy popular and then I take my kids to national parks and we do yoga and don't have to worry about if I need a job that pays enough to pay for rent and medical and car and real life and we can take pictures and go to orange peel after she cries in yoga. Plus run on sentences are always good.
I was surprised about today. If you know someone with a hard loss I think when you meet them - they will need you to know. That's what I've learned about kids. They sort of aren't afraid to need. Even if it's been a little over a year.
http://www.gofundme.com/2hsy88jc
Showing posts with label #parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #parenting. Show all posts
Monday, August 8, 2016
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Only a Fool Thinks That Life Will Wait
My kids watched the good dinosaur. Then they saw johns family. Now they are watching the John movie. The song he wrote says :
"Sometimes life knocks you down, but always it goes on. The only things you can count out- are the dreams that you count on.
Only fools set their hearts on dreams you can't achieve, and only a fool things that life will wait and give him time to grieve."
I think there was a lot of hope in the belief that life just goes on. Everyone is so full of no excuses and goals. What if our goal was just to be present? What if we could let go of our anger for someone that hurt us? Lately I've been overwhelmed by the people who demand "every story has two sides." I don't always love listening to the same song over and over when it's essentially about dying dreams from a singer that committees suicide. The person who destroyed my dream of a happy family and some of my faith in humanity. He owed me a lot when he died and I'll never get that dream back. For me my body demands time and I've been able to stop and learn what death of someone that hurt me would mean. For me it's just emphasized my belief that we are all fragile beings stumbling forward. Not everyone wants what's good and not everyone makes it, like our dreams that die,
I hope it goes on. I hope to live a life that recognizes the immediacy of humanity. To be able to love those that have hurt me because their happiness doesn't change my dream.
Give it time. Your dreams will change into something more beautiful than you can know.
I'm convinced that there is enough goodness for those that want goodness for everyone.
I hope my kids see the beauty behind a song telling us that life doesn't care about us.
"Sometimes life knocks you down, but always it goes on. The only things you can count out- are the dreams that you count on.
Only fools set their hearts on dreams you can't achieve, and only a fool things that life will wait and give him time to grieve."
I think there was a lot of hope in the belief that life just goes on. Everyone is so full of no excuses and goals. What if our goal was just to be present? What if we could let go of our anger for someone that hurt us? Lately I've been overwhelmed by the people who demand "every story has two sides." I don't always love listening to the same song over and over when it's essentially about dying dreams from a singer that committees suicide. The person who destroyed my dream of a happy family and some of my faith in humanity. He owed me a lot when he died and I'll never get that dream back. For me my body demands time and I've been able to stop and learn what death of someone that hurt me would mean. For me it's just emphasized my belief that we are all fragile beings stumbling forward. Not everyone wants what's good and not everyone makes it, like our dreams that die,
I hope it goes on. I hope to live a life that recognizes the immediacy of humanity. To be able to love those that have hurt me because their happiness doesn't change my dream.
Give it time. Your dreams will change into something more beautiful than you can know.
I'm convinced that there is enough goodness for those that want goodness for everyone.
I hope my kids see the beauty behind a song telling us that life doesn't care about us.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Baptism
My daughter got baptized yesterday. In the same dress that I got baptized in when I was 8 and my mom got baptized in when she was 8. She became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was proud of her for when she wanted to wait and also a little heartbroken. When she first turned 8 she said she wanted to wait until her dad could be there. Then she said she wanted him to do it. Then she didn't want to after he died. Then one day she asked me why she wasn't baptized yet.
Sometimes I want to tell my daughter that a lot of men in the church won't treat her like a person. I want to tell her that people are more important than any church. That God is the important one.
Sometimes I want to take it all back and somehow let her dad baptize her. Another boy got baptized that day. The other mom was remarried and the dad still baptized him. I was a little jealous. Every now and then I get jealous when people say they are fighting with their ex. That means their kids have two parents. I understand that some parents do a lot of harm but really it's better for kids to have two parents. I used to worry about taking out the trash and putting your laundry in the bin and now it just seems so stupid to worry about that stuff.
Sometimes I guess some of the guys I have met will lie about how worthy they are and baptize their daughters or go through lip service to pretend they care. I wonder if John would have done that. He told me he lied about how he felt about the church for years to make me happy.
I wonder if it matters.
My friend came to the baptism and asked me how I was doing and I started crying. I don't handle feelings super well. I just wanted a happy family for my kids. I don't care if I was divorced I just wanted my kids to have a good dad. It's weird how when you are younger some of the things you want to give your kids are things you can't actually choose or control. Why didn't I care more about them having a good mom or a happy mom or something I could actually work towards?
I want to give her the hope that I felt when I was 8 that I don't always feel now. I'm tired of people yelling at me to feel it.
They wrote letters to the kids that day and I was helping her get dressed so I didn't get to write her a letter. I think I would tell her this:
To my daughter on her baptism day;
I'm remember the day I got baptized and how worried I was that I would make a mistake. I remember really wanting to follow God. I remember being so proud and happy and feeling so amazed. I remember all the talks. I am so glad you got to talk to your cousins about their baptisms and it is something you share.
As I've gone through life the sharing has become more important. I realized on my mission how people had basic needs for shelter and friendship that trumped their religious ideals. I realized I just wanted people who were kind to me sometimes not people who were exactly perfect. May you provide kindness to the people you meet.
I still believe in God. When he tells you to do something don't ignore it. Some people say trust your intuition- some call it a still small voice. For others those three things are distinct. There have been times I have followed it and times I've ignored it. I regret the times I chose what I wanted over what God told me. That's different than what other people have told me I should do. I hope you can grow to know the difference and trust him even when you don't know why or it breaks your heart in half. You always ask about why I got divorced and I always say I won't ever tell you but I will tell you this- when it was happening I begged God to let it all work out. I got an answer and it was this.
"is this what you want to live with."
"No."
I couldn't live with it.
I wanted him to change the situation and the people and he only asked me if I really wanted what I was asking for.
I didn't realize what I was asking for.
I think that's how prayer works sometimes- it's not a huge answer it's God just repeating back what we said and then we realize that we didn't exactly want what we asked- we wanted what we had to change into something it's not. One of my friends told me once that I should tell God about all my frustrations "because he can take it." One of the most intriguing things I've ever heard. There are a lot of people I know who I'm sure have needed to yell at God. He can take it. Sometimes what has happened for me was just the realization about what I was asking or angry about. Sometimes things have changed. Sometimes I felt like God was sorry. I hope you never have to understand that feeling. The Shrug. I know you will and you won't understand what I mean until you've experienced it.
All we ever wanted for you was a hope in the world. I used to think I knew everything. Then I knew nothing. Then I realized maybe that's what faith was. A stillness in uncertainty. We won't know what will happen in our future or after this life. That uncertainty has to be enough. In one of the talks they quoted Alice in Wonderland.
“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Sometimes I want to tell my daughter that a lot of men in the church won't treat her like a person. I want to tell her that people are more important than any church. That God is the important one.
Sometimes I want to take it all back and somehow let her dad baptize her. Another boy got baptized that day. The other mom was remarried and the dad still baptized him. I was a little jealous. Every now and then I get jealous when people say they are fighting with their ex. That means their kids have two parents. I understand that some parents do a lot of harm but really it's better for kids to have two parents. I used to worry about taking out the trash and putting your laundry in the bin and now it just seems so stupid to worry about that stuff.
Sometimes I guess some of the guys I have met will lie about how worthy they are and baptize their daughters or go through lip service to pretend they care. I wonder if John would have done that. He told me he lied about how he felt about the church for years to make me happy.
I wonder if it matters.
My friend came to the baptism and asked me how I was doing and I started crying. I don't handle feelings super well. I just wanted a happy family for my kids. I don't care if I was divorced I just wanted my kids to have a good dad. It's weird how when you are younger some of the things you want to give your kids are things you can't actually choose or control. Why didn't I care more about them having a good mom or a happy mom or something I could actually work towards?
I want to give her the hope that I felt when I was 8 that I don't always feel now. I'm tired of people yelling at me to feel it.
They wrote letters to the kids that day and I was helping her get dressed so I didn't get to write her a letter. I think I would tell her this:
To my daughter on her baptism day;
I'm remember the day I got baptized and how worried I was that I would make a mistake. I remember really wanting to follow God. I remember being so proud and happy and feeling so amazed. I remember all the talks. I am so glad you got to talk to your cousins about their baptisms and it is something you share.
As I've gone through life the sharing has become more important. I realized on my mission how people had basic needs for shelter and friendship that trumped their religious ideals. I realized I just wanted people who were kind to me sometimes not people who were exactly perfect. May you provide kindness to the people you meet.
I still believe in God. When he tells you to do something don't ignore it. Some people say trust your intuition- some call it a still small voice. For others those three things are distinct. There have been times I have followed it and times I've ignored it. I regret the times I chose what I wanted over what God told me. That's different than what other people have told me I should do. I hope you can grow to know the difference and trust him even when you don't know why or it breaks your heart in half. You always ask about why I got divorced and I always say I won't ever tell you but I will tell you this- when it was happening I begged God to let it all work out. I got an answer and it was this.
"is this what you want to live with."
"No."
I couldn't live with it.
I wanted him to change the situation and the people and he only asked me if I really wanted what I was asking for.
I didn't realize what I was asking for.
I think that's how prayer works sometimes- it's not a huge answer it's God just repeating back what we said and then we realize that we didn't exactly want what we asked- we wanted what we had to change into something it's not. One of my friends told me once that I should tell God about all my frustrations "because he can take it." One of the most intriguing things I've ever heard. There are a lot of people I know who I'm sure have needed to yell at God. He can take it. Sometimes what has happened for me was just the realization about what I was asking or angry about. Sometimes things have changed. Sometimes I felt like God was sorry. I hope you never have to understand that feeling. The Shrug. I know you will and you won't understand what I mean until you've experienced it.
All we ever wanted for you was a hope in the world. I used to think I knew everything. Then I knew nothing. Then I realized maybe that's what faith was. A stillness in uncertainty. We won't know what will happen in our future or after this life. That uncertainty has to be enough. In one of the talks they quoted Alice in Wonderland.
“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.”
They said that when you are a member of this church you know where you are going. In a way that is true. There are clear goals and a clear picture of Christ and what we can accomplish. But it is also false, like my prayer to have my family that I wanted. I think when this life is over many of us will look back and want something we didn't really want. Do you really want to be married? Do you really want to respect your partners if it means you have fewer than you want? Do you really want to have as many children as others will want you to have? Do you want to hide from what you are and what you choose?
Listen to the stillness. You will not always want what you are asking for. The path will not always be clear but that is part of it. They are lying when they say you will always have a direction. There will be times when the direction you thought was so clear will be impossible. There will be times when you pick a new direction. There will be times when your choices reveal your directional claims as the falsehood they are.
May you learn to stop walking and let those times be part of your journey. There is nothing wrong with listening to the silence.
I still remember my prayer as an 8 year old that I wanted to go back to the heaven everyone talked about. I wanted to be back in a perfect place and this whole idea of "enduring to the end" sounded SO HARD. I'm still here and I've realized that the idea that we chose to be here and every day continue choosing life is beautiful. It's harder than I thought it would be and I've been way less perfect than I thought the Holy Ghost would help me be. People are uglier than I thought was possible. Not everyone wants to do good to other people and I'm glad you do. Your dad didn't want to be here anymore. Sometimes I feel like it is too much but I'm still choosing to be here with you. I hope you always choose to be here.
This is not the hope I chose for you- I wanted a clear picture with happiness and a clear answer about the path of life I wanted. This is not the family I wanted for my kids.
I never realized how much pain other people would cause and how fiercely I want to give you a better life and how I know you will have more pain than anyone should have because I've had that. There will not always be a shiny hope at the end and there will be times when you will be jealous of the people who seem to say their path is always clear. The beauty is not in knowing where you want to go.
The beauty is in the silence when God has asked you
"Is this what you want."
"No."
My life has shattered in a million pieces and I'm not put back together again. May you always be enough, even when you are broken.
I'm scared for you. I'm also so proud of you and happy for what you will see.
The way is more beautiful than I ever hoped for.
love,
mom.
I hope she is able to pass the dress to her daughter if she wants to. I hope she has an easier path than I've had. I hope she can find softness and kindness in her journey.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Happy Father's Day
A few years ago I blogged about Father's day. http://janaeandjohnskids.blogspot.com/search?q=father%27s+day it was so happy. This year was so different. We visited John's grave on Father's Day. So you can imagine that this post is going to be a little emotional...
John's mom met us at the grave. I posted this picture about the kids being sad. I didn't mention that it was hot as blazes that day and that grandma Janet brought strawberries. I didn't mention that my littlest one tried to steal the pinwheels from the kids' graves like HE ALWAYS DOES. Or that stuffed animals were climbing all over the Jesus statue at one point and Grandma Janet got sprayed with water. Seconds after someone was told not to spray said water.
So that went well. We dropped off flowers that my friend Charla brought over. I even cooked breakfast that morning that my kids didn't eat. We skipped church because I just can't handle father worship day one month after my ex husband died. If my kids started crying just for a second I would have probably lost my marbles.
Two days before I had a slight disagreement with God- because having fights with someone who is never wrong is always a good idea. I told him if he was really a God that inspired people wouldn't someone be talking to me? Sort of like asking for a sign if you will. I mean... uhh. oops. Then my friend Dana messaged me. Then my friend Charla showed up at my house. Weird. Maybe it was just coincidence that they just told me they felt impressed to say God loves me.
Point God I guess. Every time. I still will most likely start another fight I'm awesome like that. Never give up. I always loved the idea of a loving father that you could always talk to. A perfect father that knew us. Being known and understood and taken care of is such a strong human need. It seems so beautiful to have a Heavenly Father.
That's not really part of the story though that I want to talk about because things with God are complicated and not everyone I loves believes in God and the point is that you need a place for hope when you don't know where else to find hope. The story is about how my ex sister in law posted online that my ex husband loved his kids and I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. She said that John lost a battle with Depression. I asked her to please block me on these posts.
I've been there with the kids taking care of them. It's been a nightmare. I know I've let people down. I've been scrappy and people have helped me over and over. I've learned that I'm not too proud to ask for help. It's been almost everything I was ever afraid of happening with children. My sister is living through the only fear I had that didn't come true. My sister loves her son and it's been one of the hardest things on earth seeing her struggle with him having ongoing health issues. It just gets tiring sometimes to not see a brighter future. To be so overwhelmed and working so hard for so long that you wonder how much longer the fight will continue. Her husband and her know a different Father's day than most people do. They know the hopeless fight.
John wanting to be in his children's life was one of the top two reasons I married him. I have a pretty narrow view of what parents who love their children do. Like extremely narrow. None of this fits in my parameters. I guess I also have in the past told God what I think a perfect deity would do.
One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen was someone posting happy mother's day to his ex wife that cheated on him. It was really simple and included other mother's in his life and I thought it was one of the bravest things I had ever seen. That is someone who really loved his wife. I wondered if I could post that. Where I could just thank them without holding on to things that happened. Or replacing them with a shiny new dad pretending that the old one never existed.
My little old man drew a picture for his dad full of hearts and an ocean of tears. He interrupted the funeral when someone said John called his kids and said- but dad never called us back. I told him dad used to before dad was sick. It gets hard to remember the dad I posted about a few years ago over the noise of life. One of the last conversations with John was full of him saying everyone would know how bad I was. It wasn't the back and forth that I was jealous of other people having. Not my Instagram post dream. They know their father was sick. One father's day they will know that he took his own life. Maybe we won't be able to save their happiness like I wasn't able to save my marriage or all his family and friends couldn't save John. In the graveyard we put the flowers on the grave and went wandering around looking at other pinwheels and balloons. I love the flowers. The thing I loved most about John as a father stopped existing through divorce and depression and his death.
Some people remember it though. I remember it. When I forget and it's too painful my friends remind me. Family reminds me. I remind my son that he had a dad that loved him more than anything and told him stories all day with mega man and every single superhero that he could think of doing anything the children imagined. My ex sister in law reminded me when I couldn't see it over my own exhaustion.
We will visit the memories even if they are imagined and a reflection of the hope that love like that exists. That hope is why we have God and why we have each other.
Happy Father's Day John.
John's mom met us at the grave. I posted this picture about the kids being sad. I didn't mention that it was hot as blazes that day and that grandma Janet brought strawberries. I didn't mention that my littlest one tried to steal the pinwheels from the kids' graves like HE ALWAYS DOES. Or that stuffed animals were climbing all over the Jesus statue at one point and Grandma Janet got sprayed with water. Seconds after someone was told not to spray said water.
So that went well. We dropped off flowers that my friend Charla brought over. I even cooked breakfast that morning that my kids didn't eat. We skipped church because I just can't handle father worship day one month after my ex husband died. If my kids started crying just for a second I would have probably lost my marbles.
Two days before I had a slight disagreement with God- because having fights with someone who is never wrong is always a good idea. I told him if he was really a God that inspired people wouldn't someone be talking to me? Sort of like asking for a sign if you will. I mean... uhh. oops. Then my friend Dana messaged me. Then my friend Charla showed up at my house. Weird. Maybe it was just coincidence that they just told me they felt impressed to say God loves me.
Point God I guess. Every time. I still will most likely start another fight I'm awesome like that. Never give up. I always loved the idea of a loving father that you could always talk to. A perfect father that knew us. Being known and understood and taken care of is such a strong human need. It seems so beautiful to have a Heavenly Father.
That's not really part of the story though that I want to talk about because things with God are complicated and not everyone I loves believes in God and the point is that you need a place for hope when you don't know where else to find hope. The story is about how my ex sister in law posted online that my ex husband loved his kids and I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. She said that John lost a battle with Depression. I asked her to please block me on these posts.
I've been there with the kids taking care of them. It's been a nightmare. I know I've let people down. I've been scrappy and people have helped me over and over. I've learned that I'm not too proud to ask for help. It's been almost everything I was ever afraid of happening with children. My sister is living through the only fear I had that didn't come true. My sister loves her son and it's been one of the hardest things on earth seeing her struggle with him having ongoing health issues. It just gets tiring sometimes to not see a brighter future. To be so overwhelmed and working so hard for so long that you wonder how much longer the fight will continue. Her husband and her know a different Father's day than most people do. They know the hopeless fight.
John wanting to be in his children's life was one of the top two reasons I married him. I have a pretty narrow view of what parents who love their children do. Like extremely narrow. None of this fits in my parameters. I guess I also have in the past told God what I think a perfect deity would do.
One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen was someone posting happy mother's day to his ex wife that cheated on him. It was really simple and included other mother's in his life and I thought it was one of the bravest things I had ever seen. That is someone who really loved his wife. I wondered if I could post that. Where I could just thank them without holding on to things that happened. Or replacing them with a shiny new dad pretending that the old one never existed.
My little old man drew a picture for his dad full of hearts and an ocean of tears. He interrupted the funeral when someone said John called his kids and said- but dad never called us back. I told him dad used to before dad was sick. It gets hard to remember the dad I posted about a few years ago over the noise of life. One of the last conversations with John was full of him saying everyone would know how bad I was. It wasn't the back and forth that I was jealous of other people having. Not my Instagram post dream. They know their father was sick. One father's day they will know that he took his own life. Maybe we won't be able to save their happiness like I wasn't able to save my marriage or all his family and friends couldn't save John. In the graveyard we put the flowers on the grave and went wandering around looking at other pinwheels and balloons. I love the flowers. The thing I loved most about John as a father stopped existing through divorce and depression and his death.
Some people remember it though. I remember it. When I forget and it's too painful my friends remind me. Family reminds me. I remind my son that he had a dad that loved him more than anything and told him stories all day with mega man and every single superhero that he could think of doing anything the children imagined. My ex sister in law reminded me when I couldn't see it over my own exhaustion.
We will visit the memories even if they are imagined and a reflection of the hope that love like that exists. That hope is why we have God and why we have each other.
Happy Father's Day John.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Merry Christmas Peppermint Crinkle Cookies
Peppermint Red Crinkle Cookies
I love most uses of powdered Sugar. Because it is Sugar.So in my quest to find more ways to fill the world with powdered sugar I like to roll cookies in it. These cookies are an adaptation of a traditional crinkle cookie. It started when I was at our grocery store and saw a product that I needed to buy for cookies:Andes Mints Peppermint baking chips. Now that I've tried them I want to go buy Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark and go cookie crazy. When I say cookie crazy I might mean eating half of it myself.
1 cup vegetable shortening at room temperature
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup sugar
Mix together three minutes medium speed.
3 medium eggs
1 tsp vanilla
15 drops red food coloring (optional)
Add wet ingredients together than mix in one egg at a time. More food coloring can be added until you get the desired color.
3 cups of flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
have dry ingredients together and mix together with a wire whisk. Split the mixture into three smaller bowls. Children need to add each part of the cookie recipe in parts and it's easier with a separate bowl.
1 bag Andes Mints Peppermint Candies
Mix on low speed.
1 cup powdered sugar
Drop cookie dough in powdered sugar and roll around until coated.
Refrigerate one hour and bake at 350 degrees for 11 minutes.
Tell your daughter you can't make green cookies until next week.
So close to Christmas Decoration time...
Check me out on Instagram. I make two recipes a week and take pictures of them. because I like cookies.
Like Claire and Janae on Facebook. Because the more people like me the more I want to give people stuff for liking me. I'm totally open to ideas about that.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Taking Halloween Pictures
Today Little Mr. was walking around in my gray UGG boots and growling. He was crushing all the toys he encountered like a little tyrant. He loves wearing huge shoes. I didn't quite remember if my other kids used to do that.
I wanted to take a picture but I didn't have my phone and I was about to try to go get it. There wasn't time though. So I decided to just sit and watch and not worry about my phone. Or rushing to see the next thing my friends were doing online. I have seen so many people who got family Halloween pictures and have an adorable matching themed outfit. I probably should have made costumes since I sew. I wanted an adorable professional photo in the fall leaves surrounded by buckets and wearing hand sewn candy bar costumes. I didn't really have time to stage that, or make that. We did it last year but I missed the last weekend when the weather was good.
Then I wanted to write it down so I could remember the picture I didn't have of him in my shoes.
Yesterday was Halloween, a day I LOVE. except I was super overwhelmed at the prospect of three children alone at Halloween. I had no costume so I called my friend and asked her if she had something I could borrow. When I arrived at her house she pulled out her storage bin full of costumes. It was AMAZING. I don't even own one wig and she owns more than three. For example I borrowed a Marge Simpson wig. She asked me weeks ago if I wanted to go trick or treating together before I even realized I was dreading it. Then she brought them to my work to do the trick or treat. I don't know if you are aware but everyone at my work had a bucket of candy and the kids got to come around and fill up their buckets. Also, we had donuts and trail mix and water. My little spiderman and peacock and dragon had quite the haul.
On the way home I realized I was in trouble. I wanted to go to bed, not pass out candy to a million kids. So rather than cancelling trick or treating like I wanted to do when they were screaming in the car I decided to walk around our small neighborhood.
Whenever we walk together or go hiking it usually looks something like this. The Peacock runs ahead and Spiderman falls behind and Dragon can't decide where to go but sort of doesn't want to be carried. The only difference tonight was that Mark was ahead of me. That my friends, is the power of candy. Little Mr. decided he wanted to attack a few people in the legs since he was a dinosaur. He let out a great rawr as he grabbed a monk by the legs and wouldn't let go. Then Mr. Dinosaur had to go walking on his hands and feet while growling about the universe. He took a pause to roll on the ground and pretend he was asleep. He walked into people's houses and tried to visit their pets. He stomped in puddles.
Spiderman never once asked me to carry him. Well, actually he did once but he didn't throw himself on the floor when I said no. My kids got great candy. They got almost as much as they got at the company party. They saw their friends. Little Mr. almost understands that we aren't visiting each person's house to stay and eat candy.
I couldn't take pictures. Dragons are hard to control when they have eaten candy for two hours straight.I have a few pictures from yesterday and most of them are pretty blurry. Just a little dinosaur who is the craziest happy one when he is full of sugar and a peacock running far ahead. So this year I won't have pictures. I will remember though.
I wanted to take a picture but I didn't have my phone and I was about to try to go get it. There wasn't time though. So I decided to just sit and watch and not worry about my phone. Or rushing to see the next thing my friends were doing online. I have seen so many people who got family Halloween pictures and have an adorable matching themed outfit. I probably should have made costumes since I sew. I wanted an adorable professional photo in the fall leaves surrounded by buckets and wearing hand sewn candy bar costumes. I didn't really have time to stage that, or make that. We did it last year but I missed the last weekend when the weather was good.
Then I wanted to write it down so I could remember the picture I didn't have of him in my shoes.
Yesterday was Halloween, a day I LOVE. except I was super overwhelmed at the prospect of three children alone at Halloween. I had no costume so I called my friend and asked her if she had something I could borrow. When I arrived at her house she pulled out her storage bin full of costumes. It was AMAZING. I don't even own one wig and she owns more than three. For example I borrowed a Marge Simpson wig. She asked me weeks ago if I wanted to go trick or treating together before I even realized I was dreading it. Then she brought them to my work to do the trick or treat. I don't know if you are aware but everyone at my work had a bucket of candy and the kids got to come around and fill up their buckets. Also, we had donuts and trail mix and water. My little spiderman and peacock and dragon had quite the haul.
On the way home I realized I was in trouble. I wanted to go to bed, not pass out candy to a million kids. So rather than cancelling trick or treating like I wanted to do when they were screaming in the car I decided to walk around our small neighborhood.
Whenever we walk together or go hiking it usually looks something like this. The Peacock runs ahead and Spiderman falls behind and Dragon can't decide where to go but sort of doesn't want to be carried. The only difference tonight was that Mark was ahead of me. That my friends, is the power of candy. Little Mr. decided he wanted to attack a few people in the legs since he was a dinosaur. He let out a great rawr as he grabbed a monk by the legs and wouldn't let go. Then Mr. Dinosaur had to go walking on his hands and feet while growling about the universe. He took a pause to roll on the ground and pretend he was asleep. He walked into people's houses and tried to visit their pets. He stomped in puddles.
Spiderman never once asked me to carry him. Well, actually he did once but he didn't throw himself on the floor when I said no. My kids got great candy. They got almost as much as they got at the company party. They saw their friends. Little Mr. almost understands that we aren't visiting each person's house to stay and eat candy.
I couldn't take pictures. Dragons are hard to control when they have eaten candy for two hours straight.I have a few pictures from yesterday and most of them are pretty blurry. Just a little dinosaur who is the craziest happy one when he is full of sugar and a peacock running far ahead. So this year I won't have pictures. I will remember though.
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